WTF?!

Seriously... WTF? I cannot get my cat to shit in her litter box! I have tried using a new litter box. I have tried different litters. I clean it every day... sometimes twice a day. I don't know what to do. Heres what happens. She walks around the house meowing to high hell. Then she gets in her litter box and digs around and pisses! Good! Then she gets OUT of the litter box and shit's on the frickin floor. And then she gets litter out of the box to cover up the mess on the floor! Bad! What do I frickin do? Seriously. I think she is mentally retarded. I called a couple of different vets and most of them said that I should schedule an appointment and bring her in. No way. I am not paying outrageous fees for some crazy guy in puppy and kitty scrubs to tell me that my cat is fine! Another vet told me to lock her in a small room with just her litter box for a couple of days! What? That's not gonna work... trust me. And the last vet I called said that my problem was unique and that she didn't have any idea as to why this was happening. She said that I didn't need to bring her in because she obviously wasn't sick, she is just special! What again?! So now all I have is a special cat that shits on the floor. Wonderful!